Dragon Review - Zmey Gorynych

We're now halfway between East and West, in the lands of Slavic folklore. Which can be pretty great stuff, so it's no surprise that they've also got themselves some cool dragons. Specifically, "Zmei."

Now, Zmei folklore is all over the place. But it generally breaks down into a couple of categories. Much like most of our other dragons so far, they tend to be related to water, either able to control it (or the weather), or they just like setting up shop in it. No judgement here--I wouldn't mind an indoor heated pool myself. Second, they tend to arise from snakes that have been around long enough. Now, this isn't your "stick around a few millennia" like with the Yong. Forty years is all it seems to take. So a Slavic snake can expect to reach dragondom before it can get a senior citizen discount at the local diner. Additionally, both malevolent and benevolent versions of Zmei can be found, though this largely seems to depend on where your dragon hails from.

Physically, they're pretty western. Snakey body, four legs, bat wings. Some of them have multiple heads, and a decent number seem to have multi-classed into Wizard for magical powers like regrowing severed heads or turning into a person so that they can riding a horse. The former ability seems fairly useful. The latter... less so.

One of the more famous of this ilk is Zmei Gorynych, coming at us by way of the folk hero Dobrynya Nikitich. Now, Dobrynya sets forth from home one day with explicit instructions from his mother: Avoid the Saracen mountains (okay), don't rescue Russian captives (???), don't bathe in a river (uh-huh), and don't trample baby dragons. This is a sincerely weird mix of instructions, but Dobrynyna gets one up on old "take this cow to the market" Jack (of giant beanstalk fame), and sets out to disobey as hard as he possibly can.

So Dobrynyna sets off to take a bath in said river, and while doing so runs into the three-headed Zmei Gorynych! Our Zmei is initially kind of a wuss, though, even though she can breathe fire, has three-heads, etc. An unarmed Dobrynyna ('cuz of the bathing) manages to desperately defend himself, and Gorynych shows her belly. The two agree to a truce and to cease all aggression. Zmei Gorynych consoles herself on the loss by immediately flying to Kiev and capturing a princess. Like you do.

Well, that is a Russian captive, so Dobrynya races to Kiev to show his mother that she isn't the boss of him. The local prince is happy to see our folk hero and commands the princess' rescue on pain of death. Now Dobrynya is feeling a bit sheepish, since he finally made an Intelligence Check and realized that Gorynych is a giant three-headed goddamned dragon. And he's, y'know, just some kid.

Zmei Gorynych returns to her lair in the Saracen Mountains (you can see where this is going), while Dobrynya returns to his mother. His mother, presumably heaving a great sigh, arms him with magic loot. Dobrynya fails to ask his mom any of the really pertinent questions about her role in this whole affair and races off to Gorynych's lair. After reaching it, he promptly uses his horse to trample some dragon pups. Because you're not the boss of me, mom. Zmei Gorynych hears this and is pissed. She roars out and rolls initiative. Unlike the earlier river encounter, Gorynych has the home-ground advantage. However, Dobrynya's mom is apparently a purveyor of both prophecy and some seriously righteous magical firepower. They fight for three days. Which is when the folk hero wins, right? Nah. Dobrynyna gets tired and turns to go home.

But pretty much everyone is watching by this point. A voice from heaven calls out, telling Dobrynya to turn his ass around and get back in the fight. He does, and after another three hours finally slays Gorynych. The princess is rescued, but explicitly does not marry Dobrynya. I'd like to think that this is because she was her own person and no one's prize, but I'm more inclined to believe that even in spite of medieval cultural norms, everyone involved afterwards took a hard look at Dobrynya Nikitich and realized what a massive tool he was.

Now Zmei have a ton of tales about them, so I'm just gonna focus on Zmei Gorynych. Three-headed fire-breathing flying snake-dragon? Awesome. Malevolent and petty? Sweet. Kind of a badass, though that mishap at the river pulls her down a little. All in all, this dragon earns an A-. Solid.