Hey all. Jon here. Just a quick update. Greasetrap isn't dead, he just hasn't gone anywhere interesting lately. He's also being very, very lazy. Just laying on the floor, moaning about how hungry he is, and trying to get people to pour dry Cheerios into his mouth from the box.

I'll prod him into trying something new soon.


GREASETRAP EATS: Portland Dining Month

There's so much food in this town! Even better, I found out a secret (Editors Note: not actually a secret). Once a year in the month of March, restaurants all across portland cut special deals on curated menus. Of course I had to try this out. And try it out I did. Ultimately, I ended up at three different places and it should go without saying that I had a wonderful time.

The first stop was at The Waiting Room. Sitting at the foot of Nob Hill, the eatery did that thing that's so popular here, where you turn an old house into a restaurant. It was classy, though. The courses consisted of appetizer, entree, and dessert, picked from two choices. I just had a double order and tried it all. The appetizers were hush puppies and a kind of cajun shrimp, both very flavorful, though the shrimp had an odd, not exactly unpleasant aftertaste. The entrees were both amazing; pan fried catfish and dark chicken battered and fried in an utterly lovely buttery breading that was just light, and just crunchy enough between your jaws. Dessert was a butterscotch blondie cup and a flourless chocolate cake. The cake was pure decadence. I would give every coin I ever earned to taste it again (Editors Note: no, you wouldn't).

My second great meal of the month was at Departure. At the top of the Nines Hotel right off Pioneer Courthouse Square, it was glitzy. I have to admit I didn't feel quite like I belonged--it was a little bit of Las Vegas or Los Angeles right in the heart of downtown, all gleaming neon and people trying to take my coat. Which, seriously, I get that you're trying to be polite but I only molt once a year and it doesn't happen on command.

Just to make the most of it, I ordered a little extra from the normal menu. That meant I ended up trying dim sum inspired "short rib bun," along with a carrot salad, a shrimp lemongrass salad, yellow curry, and roasted pacific snapper. Dessert was a lemon bar and a chocolate ganache cake. Now, I'm all for experimentation, and this "fusion" thing I keep hearing about locally has a LOT of potential. But that short rib bun was nothing like a pork bao bun! I mean, sure, it was extremely tasty and all, but the dough wasn't even contiguous! Between that and the general air of pretension, my opinion wasn't doing well. But the view was admittedly amazing. Being up that high had to be what flying feels like. Also the snapper was AMAZING. Just, so buttery soft that it melted on your tongue. And the fermented chili/lime spices gave it all a wonderful zing.

Last on my journey was Kachka. A russian-themed eatery, the food was very different, and very excellent. This time I ordered the monthly special menu, and just a bunch of stuff off the plain menu to give it a try. There was a salad done in russian style, but using broccoli and midwestern-style veggies. Not bad. Then came the farmer's cheese dumplings (Editor's Note: Tvorog Vareniki) which were quite delicious. The main course was a braised shortrib with carrots, served kind of like a pot roast stew. But better than that by far was the special of the day, a beef brisket rubbed with Georgian spices and served with homemade flatbread. It was wonderful. Tender and juicy and bursting with flavor. I think I swallowed a fang, I ate it so quickly.

Dessert was weird. A kind of soda float with grapefruit ice cream, and cookies that tasted like Ferrero Roche. The float didn't agree with me (Editor's Note: He still ate/drank all of it). Also, I had a flight of vodka, because it was appropriate. It burned on the way down and made the walls wobbly, which was a strange thing for a drink to do.

All in all? An excellent adventure. I'm gonna do it again next year. And all three spots on this list are worth visiting. Five out of five fangs for Portland Dining Month.

GREASETRAP EATS: Dim Sum at Wong's King Seafood

I have found the world's perfect food.

Salty, sweet, savory, crispy, chewy. Individually? Each of these things is to be prized. But it's rare for them to come together in some wonderful whole. Yet it happens! Every weekend at Wong's King Seafood from 10:00 am until 3:00 pm.

I don't speak Cantonese, so I'm not sure what Dim Sum means. The hack who runs this site tells me that it very roughly translates to "light snack," I guess? I don't know about that part, because I certainly wasn't going to stop at a snack of one or two plates alone. You sit in a big open lounge with a lot of other people while waitresses push little carts around, each stacked high with plates and places of deliciousness, all of it is washed down with copious amounts of Oolong tea.

There were so many tasty things, but a few in particular stood out. The first was the Cantonese pork belly. Cubed, each pieces was layered like succulent geological strata: fat, tenderest meat, and a crown of crispy skin. The texture was soft, juicy, and just a little bit crispy all at once. I almost swallowed them whole, but then I remembered that I had to do this write-up.

Next were the Siu Mai. These were even tastier than the pork, amazingly. Each was a meatball-sized piece of pork and shrimp all rolled together, wrapped in an egg noodle and steamed. They were amazing. Succulent & juicy with a seafood twist to them, given further tang by generous amounts of salty soy sauce.

Then there were the bao. Calling them meat buns (steamed and baked) is an injustice. The meat filling? Excellent. The bread surrounding it? Also excellent. Together? Oh clipped coins and an empty pruse, they were so good! I ate until I felt sick and then kept right on going.

There are other places to get Dim Sum, I hear. I'm going to try them all. But I will definitely be going back to Wong's King Seafood.




Have you ever been disappointed by disappointment?

I WANTED to like this place. I still kind of do, actually. It's just . . . I was a little let down by the sandwich. Maybe I'm just being picky, after the heavenly perfection of the last entry.   

Le Chon is down off the Portland waterfront in the downtown area. The venue is nice! Very much a modern bistro. And they didn't blink twice at a dragon walking in out of the rain.

For an appetizer I had gaucho bread, with bonfire salt and a chimichurri dipping sauce. It was good! The bread was toasted on the outside, but soft and buttery on the inside. It paired perfectly with the chimichurry for a spicy, limey mouthful tinged with cilantro. Yum.

The sandwich . . . *sigh*. Argentinean steak with provolone, peppers, oninos, chimichurri all on a ciabatta roll. Served with a side of french fries seasoned with salt, pepper, and either a chili or paprika seasoning.

Everything was good! Don't get me wrong. And the individual pieces of the sandwich were pretty great. The steak was juicy while still retaining a lot of its original flavor. The peppers and onions were distinct and fire-roasted. The chimichurry was, again, pretty awesome. But they all failed to come together as a whole. It was just a mouthful of stuff. Again, pretty good! But oh, what could have been.

Three and a half fangs out of five. And a regret for a future that never was.


GREASETRAP EATS: Guero Carnitas Tortas (& Sik'il Pak)

I've felt the sun rise on cold mornings. I've watched boisterous kittens at play. None of it matches the majesty and peace of the carnitas torta from Guero. It was life-affirming. It was harmony between two pieces of bread.

The Sik'il Pak was just okay.

I'm still in downtown PDX for, uh, reasons (there's a lot of food here). This time I went go Guero, which I guess used to be another food cart. Now they're a restaurant, which is kind of the classic success story. The space was clean and the decor was oh I don't care this Carnitas Torta sandwich was amazing.

The telera bread was soft and pillowy but toasted on the inside, great for wrapping your claws around without getting them greasy. It was the perfect container for what lay within. The pork was mouth-watering, but just a savory baseline for the other ingredients to play against. Crispy cabbage and pickled onion kept things cool and fresh, cleansing the palate as you ate. Between the veggies and the meat played a symphony of chili lime aioli, cilantro, and creamy avocado. Everything came together to be more than the sum of its zesty individual parts. I can only hope that I too achieve the level of perfection and majesty displayed by this sandwich, some day. The world is a better place for having it.

The Sik'il Pak was a kind of cold pumpkin seed dip. It was better with the jicama than the tortilla shell chip it came with.

But the sandwich. Oh, the sandwich! Five out of five fangs, and no regrets. I'll be coming back.

An amazing sandwich.

An amazing sandwich.

Greasetrap Eats: Poutine, Potato Champion

Oh! Hello again. It's, uh, me. Greasetrap.

This time I made it downtown. Even though there were just so MANY places to eat along the way. Places with hamburgers, sandwiches, soups, cakes, steaks, shakes, and noodles.


Anyway. Today I went to Potato Champion, nestled alongside a couple of carts in a little lot called "Cartopia." I guess this is a thing, with people selling food out of not-so-mobile wagons? The project has my complete and total approval.

The place was pretty neat. There was even seating beside open flmes! My brother is the arsonist of the family, but who doesn't love open flames? Toads. That's who. Nasty, slimy, GREEDY toads. Ugh! Just thinking of them almost ruins my appetite.


Potatoe Champion has many things to eat, so long as its made out of french fries in a box with stuff on top. I ordered the poutine with veggie gravy. After an eternity (Ok, not really. But I swear, when you're hungry time itself slows down! I'm sure of this) my meal arrived and I went to work.

The little clamshell box was chock-full of hearty pub fries, cheese curds, and a tangy gravy. The fries were OK, but obviously just structural support for the other stuff. Not too hard, not too soft. The cheese curds were a little melty, but still firm, adding a nice creaminess in places where they'd adhered the hot fries. The standout part of the meal, though? The gravy. It was tangy and goopy and sunk in between the both the curds and the fries, bringing the whole thing together into more than just cheesy fries.

*licks chops*


I don't know if potatoes need a champion, but this cart is certainly giving it a try. And there was open-flame seating! Three and a half fangs out of five.


Greasetrap Eats: Arby's Venison Sandwich

Hi everyone!

*look around nervously*

I'm Greasetrap. I'm, uh, a dragon. Bigger than a dog, but smaller than a horse. Not that I'm like either of those things. I'd probably taste better than a horse. I mean, I'd have to, right? Nasty, terrible things.

Where was I? Food. Right.

I was on my way to the food cart pods in downtown PDX when something caught my eye. There are a LOT of restaurants in a city, so this isn't entirely unexpected. Going inside, I saw something tasty and just had to have it. 

The Arby's Venison Sandwich was pretty much exactly that: a cut of venison steak on a bun. I guess the meat was cooked somehow special? Crispy onion things topped it, and it was slathered with a juniper berry steak sauce.

The meat was peppery and tangy, probably the spices and sauce. There was a bit of gamey-ness to it, but it wasn't bad. The bun wasn't greasy like when some places brush it with oil or butter. It wasn't over-thick, either. Those little onion straws added a nice crunch to the texture, and a bit of carnival-onion-ring taste to everything.

The root beer that came with the meal was root beer. Nothing worth writing home to the nest about.

Overall? As Father would say, it earns a rating of "acceptable." I'd eat this again. Three out of five fangs. I guess it was a short-term deal, or something? So I can't go back and have it whenever I want.

. . . 

I want this sandwich even more, now.



Blog, Resurrected.

[Jon Burgess]: I'm a terrible blogger. No, really. The post before this one was about Worldcon back in 2015. Before that? I changed this website to a static page instead of a wordpress blog, because I wasn't ever updating the thing. 

[Jon Burgess]: Well. I'm hoping to try and change that. So! There'll be some new content here soon. Hopefully. I live in PDX, near a lot of great eating. Which is a perfect opportunity. I'll be starting up a food review series at this blog, probably called "Greasetrap's Gastronomy."

[Greasetrap]: That is a terrible name.

[Jon Burgess]: It's not bad. Should I have called it "Greasetrap Eats?"

[Greasetrap]: That doesn't work either. They're not all good!

[Jon Burgess]: But you still devour it all anyway, don't you?

[Greasetrap]: *flattens ears*

[Greasetrap]: Maybe.

[Jon Burgess]: That's what I thought. Now be quiet. As I was saying, I'll be starting up a food blog by Greasetrap here, one of the charachters of my current in-progress work (which you can start reading for free by signing up to my newsletter). At any rate, the first post should be up sometime in the next two weeks. 

On Worldcon

Communities are fascinating. Wherever people exist you'll find them gathered together, grouped by cooperation, mutual interests, or simple survival.

These days, you can have communities without the people involved even needing to be present. The internet is a tool that lets people from all over the world interact through forums, email, and social media. And like anywhere else, really,  these interactions will sometimes be unpleasant.

It's all over and done with now, but for the last year or so there's been a lot of online drama about science fiction and fantasy. Specifically, about an annual award convention award called the Hugo. I won't go into the full details of it all, but Wired has what I feel is a pretty decent summary up here, and even better, author Eric Flint has been keeping notes of the whole affair here. The basic jist, is that two online groups (calling themselves the Sad Puppies and the Rabid Puppies) felt that Worldcon's Hugo awards were only being awarded to people of a more liberal attitude by a conspiracy that didn't actually exist. That Worldcon had evolved into an elitist event running on cronyism and exclusivity.

So, I attended this year's convention. Just under a month ago. Partially because the con was being held in my own backyard, and partially because of the chance for delicious schadenfreude.

And when I arrived in Spokane, Washington this last august, I noticed something interesting. One; everything seemed to be on fire. Literally. Two; that the elitist Worldcon that everyone was worried about didn't seem to exist. I had many pleasant interactions out of the blue with con-goers both new and old.

Worldcon is a community. Without a permanent home or even permanent members, it still attracts a group of people solely united by a shared love of science fiction and fantasy and all manner of geekery. They get together once a year, drink and attend panels, celebrate what they believe are the most important efforts over the last year, and then disperse.

At the end of the day, it struck me that the Sad Puppes had spent so much time looking for a community which didn't even exist, that they missed the one right in front of them, one that anyone can join, and that's been going strong since 1939.

(Note: I thought about not posting this, but well, I was there, the event happened, and a large number of people were involved. Everything's over and done with now, and I've already moved on.) 

Carnivore, Interrupted

There are two subjects that I've never quite gotten along with; fashion and dieting. The former I've waged war against for as far back as I can remember. It's a conflict born out of mutual mistrust and misunderstanding. I mean, the shoes I have right now are perfectly comfortable, and I like Hawaiian shirts. Who cares if its November outside?

I'm more cognizant of my difficulties with dieting, however. They come from the awareness that I simply don't have that rocklike discipline needed to stay on track with a diet after I've hit whatever (probably arbitrary) goals I would set for myself. I see my potential future played out by other people, their weight oscillating as they try Paleo, Adkins, and everything else in a desperate attempt to keep off the pounds.

Also, I am very fond of food.

All of that aside, I am a curious person. I'm (mostly) willing to give something a go, especially in a culinary sense. So I decided to try being vegetarian for a month. Now this isn't something I did lightly, but it is summer, I need to blog more, and I'm feeling the urge to try new things. Also, I'm slowly turning into a seriously fat bastard, so losing a few pounds wouldn't have been an unwelcome development.

The rule I set for myself was simple: don't eat meat. That's it. I wasn't going vegan, and I didn't end up changing my diet any more radically than I needed to. Eggs were fine, and so was dairy (that I'm not fond of either is a secondary consideration). There are plenty of people who could point out the all the problems for my little plan, or why it wasn't a good idea. But at the end of the day, it proved important not to over-think the whole project, or it would have died off entirely.

As I write this, I'm at the end of my little experiment. I went one month, successfully avoiding any kind of meat or meat-based products like chicken broth. Huzzah! I'd planned to write this post as a week-to-week in-process kind of thing, but I'd gotten distracted by the post-production stuff for my last Kickstarter (which always takes precedence). Also, if you can't tell, I'm really bad at blogging.

So what happened?

Well, I learned a few things. The most important was that just because you stop eating meat, doesn't mean you aren't eating garbage. I didn't lose a single goddamned pound. That was an unwelcome lesson. Want to know what's largely available to eat once you stop eating meat-based protein? Carbohydrates. They're EVERYWHERE.

Secondly, that bean patties are terrible. Just awful.

Third, that non-meat, non-soy, non-tofu Chik'N brand chicken nuggets don't taste half bad. They're pretty much like any kind of bake-'em-in-the-oven nugget you'd get in the frozen foods aisle of the grocery store. Which is to say, salted breading and ketchup. The texture was fine. A corollary; Portobello Mushrooms as a hamburger replacement are FREAKING AMAZING. Seriously. So good. A shout out to Aimee Stewart for the suggestion.

Fourth, there's a lot of things that you can put in Ramen. But at the end of the day, it's still Ramen.

Fifth lesson; It's super-easy to be vegetarian in Portland, Oregon. In the surrounding suburbs like Beaverton and Vancouver? Not so much. Kind of rather difficult, actually. Downtown, it seems like every restaurant has a vegetarian option, and there are whole food carts dedicated to the concept (the Whole Bowl is especially tasty, and I heartily recommend it).

Sixth and most important of all: The enemy of good eating is time.

This is something I already knew, but I'll expound a bit upon it. The old saw is that in our society you can have something quickly, cheaply, or well-made; pick any two. It's doubly true in the case of food. What SHOULD I have been doing, during this month long ordeal? That's an easy one. I should have been carefully shopping for my groceries every few days, then spending the time necessary to cook them up in the evenings while also preparing my lunches going forward. It isn't rocket science.

But that's easy to say when you're not getting up at ungodly hours and home again after nightfall. When you don't have kids or a (giant) pet that needs attention and food and cleaning. When you don't have important projects to tend to, or all those little things demanding your attention each day so that your life doesn't grind to a halt.

So you do what you can, or you compromise and get something cheap and easy.

Ah well. Enough pontificating. It's June now, and I'm having fried chicken.

                                                         Courtesy of one Mr. Sanders.

                                                         Courtesy of one Mr. Sanders.

A New Site...

...a new blog, and a new chapter in my writerly life.

I'll get around to importing the previous blog's contents...someday. Let's face it, I'm a terrible blogger.

In any event, if you're new to my work, hello! And if you're an old friend, thanks for following me here, and keeping tabs on what I'm up to. 2014 was a quiet year, compared to the hustle and bustle of 2013. Still, I accomplished quite a bit, and there's more to come.

This next weekend I'll be at Storycon here in the Portland Metro area (see for info). Come down and say hello. I'll be running the "On the Shoulders of Giants" panel, which is all about helping readers to find something good to devour, and not just my own fiction.

Before I log off, please consider signing up for the newsletter above. It's how I'll be communicating largely going forth, concerning new projects, new fiction, or what I'm up to. Don't worry-I promise to keep it relatively infrequent.



New Beginnings

Hello world! Part the second.

(This is a test post, and I'm leaving it here for posterity's sake. I'm sure it'll sit, awkward and visible, for months to come.)